Standfirst: An interview with Lois van Waardenberg, author of Confidence Constellations: Insights and Action for Changing Humans
Lois van Waardenberg has transitioned across diverse fields, from music to technology and operations. She has been a chief information officer, chief operations officer and chief executive in public, private and not for profit organisations. She is currently a director of RemCon, which offers coaching services and creates digital assets “remotely”, that’s to say, from anywhere.
A few months ago, Lois added author to her resume, with the publication of her book Confidence Constellations: Insights and Action for Changing Humans.
The book compiles her lessons from over 30 years working across organisations like Z Energy, Plunket, Promina and Royal Mail. She has relocated from Australia to New Zealand, to the UK, and back to New Zealand.
“The trip never stops,” she wrote. Through all the shifts, what kept her going was a growing confidence, “not an unshakeable, flawless kind… but rather an assurance that I’ll find my way, no matter what the challenge.”
Confidence, she explains, is “something that causes action - and something that grows through action. It’s an intention, a commitment. It’s the courage that nudges you from hesitation into motion.
“You can’t feel your way into being a confident prompt engineer, for example - you have to do quite a bit of messing about with large language models for that to happen. Get in there and experiment, make mistakes and get some things right. In short, action demonstrates confidence, and action creates confidence.”
Lois believes confidence is also about focusing on what you can influence - and that that is enough.
“You approach challenges knowing you won’t control everything, but you’ll act on what you can control. That’s where transformation happens. You’re not a passive participant - you’re a creator. And when you see yourself that way, the world opens up. Neither I nor anyone else can prove that action and response is more important than circumstances - I can only continue to do my best to demonstrate that.”
It’s a mindset that was honed from her childhood. At 12, when her mother fell seriously ill, Lois took charge of the household for several months. She found a way to “game the system,” turning chores into creative play in a way she describes as “trivial but core” to her development and approach.
“I turned chores into something playful - like, organising the washing line by colour, creating something beautiful and satisfying in the middle of a hard time. It was a kind of quiet self-leadership. I didn’t know it then, but that instinct to find structure, beauty, and meaning in challenge became my default.”
In her adult life, she has navigated layoffs, rapid promotions, and challenging and varied roles. She experienced the terminal illness and death of her husband. She has undergone major surgeries and long-running health issues. “Oh, and having children-that fundamental challenge many of us encounter,” she states.
Through the series of life transitions, “my confidence appeared, faltered, and gradually blossomed, granting me greater freedom to respond authentically.”
In the book, Lois describes six constellations (‘MAJIC’) that can be used to guide readers to take small actions that will lead to change.
- MYSELF, the starting point
- ACTIVATION, the energy for action
- JOURNEY, the ongoing adventure
- ILLUMINATIONS, seeking clarity
- COMMUNITY, extending beyond yourself
“These aren’t abstract ideas,” she says. “They’re reminders I return to when I lose my way. You don’t have to go through them all at once - try one a week or one every few days. Let them work on you in the background.”
The book features ‘toolkits’ for various challenges. In one challenge, stretching one’s comfort zone, she lists key questions: “I’m curious about this challenge. Why am I resisting meeting it? Why am I preferring not to grow or change?”
“In a zoo, the animals are safe in their enclosures, but the
things they can get up to are severely limited: Do I really want to stay in my comfortable enclosure? What am I losing by staying safe?”
She advises focusing on a specific challenge: “Which of the tools might help you push through the discomfort to meet the challenge?”
She says the title Confidence Constellations was a deliberate choice, as it “engages the concepts of awe, of flexible, creative connections, and of lighting out a daily path.”
“It is an umbrella for sets (constellations) of individual concepts (Stars) that can be discussed in workshops, in individual coaching, and as a whole,” says Lois, indicating a next career focus.
Lois is currently working on two books. The first applies the Confidence Constellation to ageing, with the working title of Beyond the Chair Yoga. The second book Confident Career Agility, focuses on “confidently shaping careers with resilience and clarity.”
“This book will be for people who are in pain or uncertainty because of some kind of crossroads in their career or work life. It could be about dealing with redundancy. Or change in a job situation, or needing to pause a career. Or disillusionment with the values of your organisation, or with corporate rhetoric.
“There’s so much work life uncertainty now, as ever, and your choices must fulfill you as well as make money. You can't trivialise that... Your values matter. Feeding your family matters. And true confidence isn’t the icing on the cake - it’s a foundation that allows you to move through disruption towards what you most want, or with learnings that lead you in that direction.”
A key takeaway from her work is the importance of developing self-navigating skills, building confidence as a foundation, to effectively navigate uncertainties in personal, professional, and political realms.
“If sharing questions and tools I’ve found on my way helps a reader or mentee take their next step - then the next - then that’s more than enough for me. That’s a good day’s work.”
